I got caught selling condoms at a private school.
Actually I didn’t get caught selling condoms at school, somebody snitched on me.
Before I go any further with this let me give you my definition of a snitch.
Main Entry: Snitch
Pronunciation: \’snitch\
Function: noun
A person that engages in an act that could potentially get them in trouble and when confronted with the repercussions of this act they bring up all members involved to save face and bring everyone down since they got caught.
Completely different from what todays “stop snitching” movement is.Not knowing that I had been ratted out I continued business as usual.
I had gotten to the point of selling 36 condoms a week without even needing to advertise (parents really need to talk to their kids about sex).
One day I went into school with a back pack full of condoms and started my day as usual.
After the morning announcements I was called into the principal’s office which wasn’t out of the ordinary since I had a principal that really didn’t care for my company.
Not knowing what I had done to merit this trip to the principal’s office I ran through every possible scenario that she could try to pin on me before I went to her office.
When I arrived my principal just told me to sit down and shutup without telling me what I was being accused of doing which is almost as bad as the time that she kicked me out of religion class which is an entirely different topic.
She called my mother and told her to come pick me up immediately.
At this point I assumed that this was something that I was going to have to fight tooth and nail for because my mother was only called to pick me up when I wasn’t allowed back at school (which happened once or twice when I was in grade school).
Having my mother called to school to pick me up after she just dropped me off was bad for a few reasons:
This situation could have easily caused me to get beat in front of my classmates.
I might have had to walk home.
Sleeping with one eye open due to fear of being murdered in my sleep.
When my mother arrived the look that she gave me was so bad that I could feel her eyes piercing through my flesh.
Keep in mind that I still had no idea what I was being accussed of.
My principal then asked my mother, “Do you know what your son is doing now? He’s selling these” and she handed my mother a condom that she got from the snitch.
My mother grabbed the condom, looked (with that same look she gave me) at my principal and said, “Is this is? This is what you called me for up here for?”
The look on my principal’s face to this day is still engraved in my memory.
If that incident were a Visa commercial it would go something like this:
13 year old + wanting to be more than average = 1 dollar
puberty striken preteens + condoms = a few hundred dollars
a mother sticking up for her son in the principal’s office and the look on the principal’s face = priceless
Anything is possible if you can fill a need but for everything else there is encouragement.
My mother and I left the principal’s office and she still hadn’t said one word to me yet which was a very scary feeling considering the fact that she had to take off work.
Normally the routine for me getting in trouble was like this:
I get caught then receive an an evil look.
After the look comes the logic and her asking me enough questions so that she can feel confident in the abuse that she was about to inflict on me.
Following the was normally either a pinch, a slap and once time a kick squarely in my ass (that was the last time that I walked in front of her after getting caught doing something).
In the back of my mind I just praying that she didn’t start the beat down in the middle of classes changing.
I mean if I’m going to get beat at least let people just hear about it and not get to witness it.
Nothing happened and I was to made it to her car without an incident.
When we got inside of her car she gave me the condom back and told me not to sell them at school anymore.
No punishment, no beating, no taking of my video games, just no more easy money from selling condoms.
At this point I really couldn’t go back to relying on my parents for money so I had to come up with something else to do to make money.
As fate would have it my mother got a membership to Sams’ Club that weekend and I was introduced to the Blue Raspberry Blow Pop.